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#141 Napoleon 1er

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Posted 23 June 2019 - 09:16 AM

joke of the day:

 

So Barack Obama and Donald Trump somehow ended up at the same barber shop...

 

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty. As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama ?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife Michelle doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."


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If you don't know where you go ... you have a lot of chance to arrive elsewhere ...

#142 Nortrom

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Posted 04 July 2019 - 04:58 PM

f42a0acd0d26cb27cc1dcf5284dead07.jpg

 

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"Rock is overpowered, paper is fine" - scissors

See this thread for live gaming updates

See this thread my blog posts

 

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#143 KnightofPepsi

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Posted 11 July 2019 - 04:01 AM

I tried to catch some fog.

 

I mist.


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#144 R u Mocking Me ?

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Posted 11 July 2019 - 08:23 PM

A marine general, an army general, and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men. The army general says, "Alright, I'll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!" The private reports as ordered, "Yes sir?" The general says, "See that man over there? Kill him!" Without hesitating, the private kills the man. The general says, "See? That man has balls!" The marine general says, "That's nothing. Private, get over here!" The marine private reports, "Yes, sir?". The marine general says, "See that man over there? Kill him and then kill yourself." Without blinking, the marine private pulls out his M-16 and blows away the guy, then turns the rifle on himself and unloads several rounds. The marine general says, "See? Now that man has balls!" The admiral says, "That's nothing." He calls to a seaman high up on a tower, "Hey, seaman, jump off that tower!" The seaman answers, "Excuse me, sir?" The admiral repeats, "JUMP OFF THAT TOWER!" The seaman replies, "screw you, sir!" The admiral says, "See? That man has balls and he's got brains too!" :D 



#145 KnightofPepsi

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Posted 11 July 2019 - 11:57 PM

Dogs can't operate MRI machines.

 

But catscan.


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#146 Fairway

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Posted 12 July 2019 - 01:19 AM

not the groaners...


WINNER of the first ever Astros Stratego Series! :D

#147 KnightofPepsi

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Posted 12 July 2019 - 10:08 PM

I spent the whole night wondering where the sun had went. Then it dawned on me.



#148 KnightofPepsi

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Posted 4 weeks ago

Jokes about German sausage are the Wurst.



#149 R u Mocking Me ?

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Posted 2 weeks ago

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes.

The Genie said, "Nope ... due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So ... what'll it be?"

The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."

The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for ... a good mate."

The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that flippin map!"

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