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#61 Dobby125

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Posted 17 October 2018 - 03:11 AM

https://uploads.disq...4bc1fc39507.png


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#62 Dobby125

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Posted 28 November 2018 - 06:00 AM

A man comes home to find his wife of 10 years packing her bags.
"Where are you going?" demands the surprised husband.
"To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 cash to do what I do for you for free!"
The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing his bags.
"What do you think you are doing?" she screamed.
"I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on $1,000 a year!"


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#63 Dobby125

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Posted 11 December 2018 - 05:05 AM

A man walks into a crowded local bar brandishing a revolver yelling "Who’s been screwing my wife?" 

A voice from the back of the bar shouts back, "You don’t have enough ammo, mate!"


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#64 rgillis783

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Posted 11 December 2018 - 08:16 PM

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right. ;) 


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#65 Napoleon 2ème

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Posted 11 December 2018 - 10:47 PM

A guy goes in a bar and orders 10 shots.

He drinks all of them and orders 9 more.

He drinks all of them and orders 8 more ect...

 

With his last shot he starts thinking :" strange, less I drink, more Im drunk..."


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#66 rgillis783

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Posted 12 December 2018 - 12:24 AM

A man and woman are sitting on their porch drinking a beer. The man says, "I love you." The woman says, "Is that you talking or the beer talking?" The man says, "That's me talking to the beer!"

 

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#67 Don_Homer

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Posted 12 December 2018 - 05:40 PM

 

A man and woman are sitting on their porch drinking a beer. The man says, "I love you." The woman says, "Is that you talking or the beer talking?" The man says, "That's me talking to the beer!"

 

 

Briliant one, Raymond! This could be a Homer quote :D.


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#68 Napoleon 2ème

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Posted 12 December 2018 - 08:01 PM

A 4 years old childboy has the possibilty to meet the president and his father remind him always to say yes to the president, either you agree or not.

 

The president meets the young boy and this is the conversation :

 

President:" Hello, what's your name?"

Child : " Yes "

President : " How old are you?"

Child: " Yes"

President : " where do you live?"

Child: " Yes"

President (gets angry) :" Are you kidding me?"

Child : " Yes "


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#69 Napoleon 2ème

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Posted 12 December 2018 - 10:08 PM

More than a joke this is a little test of concentration, I ll ask you some questions and then a final one, please be homest and tell what your answer was ;D 

 

 

What is the color of milk?

What is the color of snow?

What is the color of paper?

What is the color of of a white horse?

What is the color of hairs when you are old?

The opposite of dark is…. ?

What is the color of a white car?

What is the most common color in winter?

 

 

 

What does a cow drink?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I would be curious to know how many of you answered "milk" , I remind you the cow drinks water but makes milk !


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#70 rgillis783

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Posted 13 December 2018 - 01:01 AM

One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants. The man says “Oh just a beer”. The bartender asked the man “Whats wrong,why are you so down today?”. The man said “My wife and i got into a fight,and she said she would’nt talk to me for a month”. The bartender said “So whats wrong with that”? The man siad “Well the month is up tonight”.


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#71 Nortrom

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Posted 18 December 2018 - 03:34 PM

jGARrAJ.png


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#72 Fks

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Posted 18 December 2018 - 04:12 PM

jGARrAJ.png

If only this was a joke :(
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#73 UnladenSwallow

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Posted 18 December 2018 - 04:32 PM

Optimists will say "The glass is half full"

Pessimists will say "The glass is half empty"

Feminists will say "The glass is being raped!"  :rolleyes:


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#74 rgillis783

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Posted 18 December 2018 - 06:45 PM

Good to see ya Swallow ! Happy Holidays !  :D

 

A beautiful young woman very liberated, walks into a bar completely naked. She stands in front of the bartender and says "Serve me a cold beer!" The bartender serves her the beer and stares at her, not moving. "What wrong?" she says "Have you ever seen a naked woman?" "Yes, many times!" the bartender replies Then why do you look? the woman asks. "I want to see where you're going to get the money to pay for beer!"  :o 

 


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#75 Napoleon 2ème

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Posted 18 December 2018 - 09:18 PM

Good to see ya Swallow ! Happy Holidays !  :D

 

A beautiful young woman very liberated, walks into a bar completely naked. She stands in front of the bartender and says "Serve me a cold beer!" The bartender serves her the beer and stares at her, not moving. "What wrong?" she says "Have you ever seen a naked woman?" "Yes, many times!" the bartender replies Then why do you look? the woman asks. "I want to see where you're going to get the money to pay for beer!"  :o 

 

Well, women Always have some.. secrets  :)


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#76 Napoleon 2ème

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Posted 18 December 2018 - 09:22 PM

An italian ,an arabic an american goes into a bar in italy.

They all order a beer.

 

The american ends first and shoots at his empty glass and says : " In America, we are very rich, we can buy many glass"

The arabic one ends and shoots at his glass: " In my country, we have many sand, so we can re-build glass"

The italian one ends slowly and when he ends, he shoots at the other one and says: " here in italy we have that many turists that we can shoot at them, there will always be


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#77 rgillis783

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Posted 18 December 2018 - 09:27 PM

I like it Napo 2 ! My mind is made up, I am not drinking with Italians anymore. The North End of Boston is a no drinking zone. Luckily we have bars everywhere in Boston. :D

An italian ,an arabic an american goes into a bar in italy.

They all order a beer.

 

The american ends first and shoots at his empty glass and says : " In America, we are very rich, we can buy many glass"

The arabic one ends and shoots at his glass: " In my country, we have many sand, so we can re-build glass"

The italian one ends slowly and when he ends, he shoots at the other one and says: " here in italy we have that many turists that we can shoot at them, there will always be


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#78 Dobby125

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Posted 19 December 2018 - 05:29 AM

Fall was upon a remote reservation when the Indian tribe asked their new Chief what the coming winter was going to be like. The modern day Chief had never been taught the secrets of the ancients. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Better safe than sorry, he said to himself and told his tribe that the winter was indeed expected to be cold and that the members of the village should stock up on firewood to be prepared.

After several days, our modern Chief got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "It's going to be a very cold winter."

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever."

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."


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#79 rgillis783

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Posted 26 December 2018 - 10:45 PM

t's game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court. He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there. He responds, "No, the seat's empty." "The first man exclaims, "What?!? Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?" The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together." The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that. Wasn't there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could've taken that seat?" The neighbor responds, "No, they're all at the funeral." :) 

 

A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate... what is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?" "Did you say 4?!?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right. At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"


Edited by rgillis783, 26 December 2018 - 10:46 PM.

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#80 Dobby125

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Posted 30 December 2018 - 03:37 AM

A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" 
The husband said, "No sweetie." 
The woman said, "I'm sure you would." 
So the man said, "Okay, I would" 
Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" 
And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so." 
Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" 
And the husband replied, "No, she's left handed."

 

 

 

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher.. 

He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for ill*gally grown dr*gs."
The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." 
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. 
"See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull...
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. 
The officer is clearly terrified.
The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs...
"Your badge... Show him your badge!

 

 

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.

He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"
His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. 
Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."


Edited by Dobby125, 30 December 2018 - 03:51 AM.

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